Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
