North Korea, Best Korea!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
