I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize