Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
