the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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