i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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