I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
