In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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