I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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