I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
