I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
