Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
