I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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