Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
