Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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