I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
