i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
