I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
