dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
