dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
high people should be assigned attendants
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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