so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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