How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize