I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
