Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
