I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
MIDGETS
????
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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