i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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