Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
