someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
