Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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