You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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