This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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