I cannot find my penis.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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