3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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