Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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