I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
