Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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