I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you would pick up someone in the library
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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