writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
