The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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