Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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