everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
