What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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