you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
