Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
