What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize