yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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