let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize