'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
