I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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