Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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