How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
