the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
