It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
