this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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