Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
