just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
