if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is the high leading the old right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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