Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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