Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
