just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
