I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
