watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
