At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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