oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
