Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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