Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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