fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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