I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
