I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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