goodnight i made you a song goodbye
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
