I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
