We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
