I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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