if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
