This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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