True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
