My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
