You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
