The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
