Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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