god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize