I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
