is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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