wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
