Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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