I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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