That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
