remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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