I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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