Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
